Watching YouTube Videos to Relax

Question: Sometimes when my kids’ behavior is getting out of control, I let them chill out by watching YouTube videos, but now they ask for them anytime they can tell I am stressed out. What can I do to break this cycle?

Answer: Tantrums and aggression are some of the most frustrating things about raising young children – they make caregivers feel ineffective, embarrassed, or even angry. These behaviors are communication that your child is feeling bad, overwhelmed, and needs help – and may not know how to communicate this with words.

Our research found that when 3–4-year-olds were regularly given mobile devices to calm down when upset, they had worse emotional reactivity over time – suggesting that giving kids devices or videos to calm down may backfire by displacing the emotional learning kids do during tough moments. This learning often comes through interactions with caregivers who help the child find other ways to express themselves and calm down.

What parents can do

• Help your child learn to identify their emotions by using words for what they are feeling and provide positive reinforcement when they use better coping skills or communication when upset.
• One method to try is using color zones to help them understand how their brain and body are feeling (red = out of control, yellow = antsy/wiggly/anxious, green = calm/focused/happy, blue = tired/sad/sick). Kids tend to understand emotions better in terms of colors, which are more concrete. Parents also find it helpful to say something like “you’re in the yellow zone, let’s calm down to green” - rather than saying “stop it, you’re driving me crazy!”
• If you do show a video to help calm them, choose one that teaches breathing or calming exercises, like Elmo’s Belly Breathe or Daniel Tiger.

Age: Toddler, Preschooler, 1-3, 3-5

Topics: Handling Big Emotions, Tantrums, YouTube

Role: Parent/Caregiver